Strategies For Stress Reduction

As I sit here writing this article I am waiting to hear that my 19 year old daughter made it safely home through a severe thunderstorm with reported flooding and tornados. I keep reminding myself of the sermon I heard earlier today – “God is in control of everything – no sense worrying.” Still I pray and even try bargaining with God – I won’t eat chocolate ever again if you bring her home safely – ok not another glass of wine either. Silly conversations with the God of the universe, yet I know He understands our struggles.

Stress. We all have it - getting that project done on time, planning your wedding, presenting to the Board, preparing for a move into a new home, dealing with a spouse’s illness, reading the varying reports on the economy and wondering how it will impact your business, preparing for your dream vacation. Some of these things are wonderful changes, a result of an achievement and exciting new beginnings. Others are unexpected, dreaded and frightening.

Even relatively happy, fortunate and well adjusted people experience daily stress in the normal course of events, there is no escaping it. Others experience the never-ending chronic stress, from on-going pressure at work or home, persistent financial issues or complex relationship problems.

Most of us have been in both places, having gone through cycles in our lives where everything was smooth sailing, and then several things went wrong at once – the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a divorce. In one three year span in my twenties, I went through my mom’s battle with leukemia and death. The next year my father died suddenly of a heart attack, while I was adjusting to a new job in a new city. One psychologist described it as the up and down spiral of life – if you’re in a patch of good years, count your blessings. But the likelihood of everything staying wonderful is not high.

Stress Is Inevitable

James Dodson sums it up well, “LIFE IS LOADED.”

Barbara Johnson offers a humorous philosophy in the book title below. She faced major trials in her life, including the loss of a child. She recounts that it almost killed her but she learned important lessons in coping and even thriving in the face of anything.

Pain Is Inevitable But Misery is Optional So, Stick a Geranium
in Your Hat and Be Happy!
Splashes of joy in the cesspools of life.
- Book Title by Barbara Johnson

Our Response

We cannot control what will happen to us, but we do have a “choice” in how we will deal with what life throws us. This concept was made famous in Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. And this simple point is the point.

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.”
- Hans Selye

Health and Quality of Life

And our responses are critical for our health and well being. It is now widely known that stress causes a variety of health problems. How that happens is described by Doc Childe, founder of the Heart Math Institute.

“Stress stimulates the perpetual release of the hormones adrenaline, noradrenalin, and cortisol, which eventually sear the body like a constant drizzle of acid. If left unchecked, chronic stress – along with attitudes like hostility, anger, and depression – can sicken and eventually kills us.”

The Mayo Clinic reports, “Stress and anger may increase your risk of coronary artery disease.”

Being constantly stressed out leads to physical as well as psychological damage and negatively impacts one’s effectiveness and quality of life. The bottom line is this – if a person does not learn to deal with the normal ups and downs of life, she or he cannot live well. People who do not deal effectively with the pressures of life commonly resort to self medication through drug or alcohol abuse, tobacco use, irregular eating patterns and unhealthy lifestyles.

Building Stress Tolerance

To remain healthy we must expand our ability to tolerate and manage stress. In a recently published book, Emotional Intelligence In Action, authors Marcia Hughes, L. Bonita Patterson and James Bradford Terrell describe a core competency of emotional intelligence, STRESS TOLERANCE.

“The ability to withstand adverse events and stressful situations without ‘falling apart’ by actively and positively coping with stress…This ability is based on (1) a capacity to choose courses of action for coping with stress (i.e., being resourceful and effective, being able to come up with suitable methods, and knowing what to do and how to do it), (2) an optimistic disposition toward new experiences and change in general and toward one’s ability to successfully overcome the specific problem at hand (i.e., a belief in one’s ability to face and handle these situations), and (3) a feeling that one can control or influence the stressful situation (i.e., keeping calm and maintaining control.).”

It Starts With Self Awareness

Since we are all dealing with all kinds of stress, it makes no sense to try a “one size fits all” approach to reducing the stress in your life. So start with making an inventory of the factors that most weigh on you. Make a list of everything you can think of that causes you stress. Include the news, traffic, kids, co-workers, your Blackberry – all of it. Then pick out the top five stressors. Here are some questions to consider:

Is there a close relationship in your life that is not working?
Is your job satisfying?
Are you keeping up with your commitments? If not, why not?
Is there balance between work and home life?
Are you sleeping enough?
Are you in good health?
Are your habits supporting you?
Do you communicate fully with the people in your life?
Is your marriage thriving? Stagnant? Stuck?
Do you hold grudges or avoid needed conflicts?
Have you had a vacation in the last year?
Do your family finances work? Are you living within your means?
Are your children doing well? Are you spending enough time together?
Do you experience accomplishment in your life?
Do you feel appreciated and valued?
Is your social/personal life relaxing?
Do you laugh often?
Are you generally optimistic?
Do you have a Type A personality?
Are you overly concerned about what others think of you?
Do you worry over things you cannot control and may never happen?
Is the nature of your work stressful? Or the corporate culture highly charged? Political?

Pick out the major themes that most indicate stress. For each ask yourself, “what is the issue?” And then explore what support you need to improve those situations, habits, tendencies. What do you have control over? What are your responses and what can you do to improve how you respond? If you're not sure, who can provide support? Below are some common strategies for reducing life stress. See if some of these might provide openings for action in areas you want to resolve.

Ideas for Reducing Stress

Experts agree on the following ways of managing, and even preventing stress. Read through and see what strikes a chord for you.

• Get more exercise – walking daily in the fresh air for 30 minutes is refreshing
• During your work day – take breaks every few hours and do things like drinking a big glass of water, smell a flower, stretch, walk outside, look out the window and people watch – short mental breaks do wonders for your energy level.
• Get a massage, chiropractic adjustment, acupuncture or pedicure
• Learn stretching exercises and/or yoga
• Learn techniques of structured breathing and visualization
• Listen to soothing music in the car rather than catch up with phone calls on your cell
• Journal your daily experiences and feelings
• Go to counseling or do an intensive growth program to address unresolved issues or personality traits that need to change
• Plan a much needed trip – schedule it and book the tickets
• Track your calendar for one week and analyze how much you are working and how much rest and recreation you are getting
• Ask for tips from a colleague or mentor who handles stress well
• Pray and/or meditate during a regular quiet time each day
• Do less multi-tasking and stay in the moment
• Plan responses for dealing with the people who stress you (the next time that boss sends me a demeaning email, I will wait one hour before responding)
• Explore new recreational activities
• Reprioritize your activities and involvement (are you overbooked?)
• Change your diet by reducing over processed foods – putting a strain on your body
• Enhance communication skills by courageously speaking up and learning to set stronger boundaries with those who are irritating – do this by reading a book, getting a coach or taking a course
• Quit a bad habit like smoking, gossiping, procrastinating – it will build your self-regard and add to your optimism and sense of well being
• Put more humor in your life by reading cartoons, fun websites such as www.stupidvideos.com, or just find something to laugh about each day
• Schedule monthly communication sessions with your spouse or roommate

Healthy Flight

On a final note, I think life has become more taxing due to increased technology, economic pressures and the competitive nature of our society. Taking “flight” and having needed down time is essential to recoup, reflect and renew one’s body, mind and emotions.

TEC Speaker Pat Murray was in Dallas recently and shared the concept of Healthy Flight that he learned from Dr. Dave Morrison, a psychologist from Chicago who used to work with TEC Chairs 20 years ago. He talked a lot about CEO stress, but I think it applies to all of us.

“Many CEO’s/leaders watch cartoons on Saturday morning to unwind – that’s healthy flight; or woodworking, something with your hands, physical. For those under much stress – do things that are sensual like pet your dog. It fills you back up.

Leaders, in particular, must systematically compensate for the stress of listening to employees and customers. They must take good care of themselves and have some healthy flight.

Schedule ‘Whim Days’ – take no phone calls, no emails, no responsibility, sleep until you wake up, do whatever you feel like all day – able to then maintain the illusion of personal control.”

"Only a full cup can overflow – first you have to be full
yourself before you can give to another.”
- Pat Murray

About the Author: Elaine Siciliano Morris is principal consultant and founder of Sea Change Inc, an organizational effectiveness firm based in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. A frequent keynote speaker and workshop presenter on leadership, corporate culture and personal growth, Elaine works with leaders and their teams to create productive and rewarding work environments. More information about her is available on her website: www.seachangecoach.com, or contact Elaine by phone at 972-407-0648.